I laughed out loud

Looking through the garage I came across a book, probably left here by the previous owner. The book is named, (or is the book "called"... I don't really know) Mary Ellen's Best of Helpful Hints. The book reads like it's out of the 1950s (but I checked and it actually was printed in 1981). The book gives a few good tips for things, such as "Don't buy a car on a rainy day. All cars with dull or blemished finishes look better when they are wet", and another one is "Be sure to wash the bottom of small children's shoes before professional photos are taken. Kids are almost always posed with their legs folded, and the bottom of their shoes show". Other little tidbits like that maybe will one day be useful... but then I made note of a few that I just thought were out there... I laughed out loud and can only think that maybe it's a joke? Who knows - but I thought these were worth sharing for a chuckle.

- To eliminate the mess from cigarettes and cut down on the alcohol bill, invite a clergyman to your party.

- If you're still in bed when your husband walks through the door at the end of the day, dab a little liquid cleaner behind each ear. It'll make you smell as if you've been housecleaning all day and deserve dinner out.

- When your house is so messy you want to throw up, just take off your glasses and things won't look so bad.

- If you want to eat less, use chopsticks or eat in front of a mirror.

- The best way to ensure your dinner guests will enjoy what you serve is to keep them waiting until they are good and hungry.

- When you are sick, keep a police whistle near your bed to call your husband.